we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
