What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you never un-have a 4some
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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