I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
