I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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