I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
