i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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