Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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