it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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