Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
