We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
