My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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