i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
