He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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