Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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