What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
