apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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