I love having hate sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
