just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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