Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
