you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
