I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize