Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
