3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
