I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
