So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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