considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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