I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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