I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
