She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
