Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
being pregnant is like rehab
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
