Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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