Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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