Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
