Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
