oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
