I think i sorta joined a cult last night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
