24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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