I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
