Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
