found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
