So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
