This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
