Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
