we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
