One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
