Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
