I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
