You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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