why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
