Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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