I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I looked at my own cervix.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
