I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
